*crawls to computer and bangs head on keyboard fifty times* Hopefully that produced a coherent blog post.
AHEM. Hello, peoples! I'm baaaaack. Yep, I haven't been the most consistent blogger lately (who am I kidding? I've never been consistent) because of a little something called NaNoWriMo. Which you guys have heard me scream about so much that you're probably sick of it.
Well, tough luck. Because that's all you're going to hear about for the next month. *cackles*
ANYWAY. *pushes insanity aside for a few seconds* I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST WEEK ALIVE...mostly. My sanity, on the other hand...well, it kind of died a few days before NaNo started. #oopsies
SO. I'm going to do something completely original (in other words, I stole it from a bunch of other bloggers) and show you what each day looked like so far.
|(A new aesthetic for my book because why not? XD)|
// NaNo Eve //
8:00 pm. Oh, let's try some plotting. *pulls out notebook and computer* *gets distracted by emails* OKAY, FOCUS MARY, FOCUS. You can totally do some last-minute plotting which you literally just started yesterday. You're doing good.
9:00 pm. *bangs head on wall* Ughhhhh, why is nothing happening? I literally have nothing. *cries in a corner*
9:30 pm. Ah, yes! *holds up page triumphantly* I got...like three sentences written. *proceeds to lament existence*
11 pm. *types out frantic message to my writing group about why my book is a failure* *continues attempting to plot*
11:30 pm. IT'S ALMOST NANO. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??? *scribbles down some gibberish and calls it plotting*
11:45 pm. Okay, I totally have time. Fifteen minutes is enough time to plot. *dies*
11:55 pm. I ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING ON PAPER. *realizes it's all just gibberish* Hehe.
11:59 pm. I AM NOT READY. SOMEONE PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE IN PEACE.
12 am. *screams* NaNo is here! LET'S DO A WORD WAR. *begins to pull up Word document*
12:02 am. Um...my document isn't pulling up. WHYYY MEEEEE. *frantically clicks on document again*
12:05 am. Ahhhh, it's finally up! I AM SAVED. *proceeds to panic because I need to write*
1 am. *blinks at computer screen* 1,500 words. YAY! *collapses in bed*
// Day 1 //
OKAY. SO I WROTE LIKE MAD BASICALLY.
I got up early (like 7:30--that's early for me. XD) and wrote for most of the morning. I took a break for food (and cocoa <3) and then finished around lunchtime with over 5k.
I wasn't even tired so I kept going. After a break in the afternoon to do some productive things (at least, that's what I thought I would be doing *cough*), I hit the keyboard again and pounded out 2k.
My brain was about as useful as a pencil without an eraser at this point, but then I got the brilliant idea to try for 10k. After all, I wasn't exactly dead yet.
Hahahahaha...yeah, I was basically dying at this point, but I crawled back to my laptop and sprinted crazily with my buddies. Right when I thought I would collapse...it happened. I HAD REACHED 10K. LIKE WHAT EVEN HAPPENED???
*goes to bed in shock*
// Day 2 //
I thought I would take it easy now. I mean, I just wrote 10k so I would undoubtedly be exhausted and barely write the minimum word count.
SURPRISE, SURPRISE. I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to hit the words. So I wrote 1k that morning and then decided I had to do other things. "Well, maybe I'll get in 1k tonight," I told myself.
*busts out over 3k* All right then. That works, too.
// Day 3 //
*has distant aspirations to reach 20k* Nah, that will never happen.
*does a bunch of sprints* *stares at word count* Oh look, I just hit 21k.
// Day 4 //
By this time, I've realized the fact that I'm not slowing down. So I set the goal for 25k. It was high enough that I had to push myself yet not crazy enough that it would wipe me out.
I did a bunch of sprints again (because that's literally 99% of the words I write, apparently) and then somehow came out with 1,000 more words than I planned. *nods numbly*
// Day 5 //
I woke up on Saturday feeling energized again. SERIOUSLY, MARY?! You just wrote 26k.
I had work to do so I didn't get started until about 4 pm. The goal for the weekend was to reach 40k so I just had to get 6 or 7k today.
*starts writing* Ughhhh, my words are awful. *facepalm*
*barely makes it to 30k* I AM DEAD. SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THE BODY. *crawls back to computer and types 3,000 more words* *crawls to bed*
// Day 6 //
It was Sunday so I had church all morning (plus a speech to deliver--blegh). When I got back, I ate lunch and spent two hours howling at my speech that I needed to upload
"NOTHING IS WORKING. I think I killed Percival with all the writing I've done." (My computer's name is Percival.) *finally gets speech uploaded* "Yesh! Now I can write!"
*spends an hour and a half making an aesthetic for my book and listening to Christmas music* "Oh no! It's 5:30 already!" *frantically demands that my writing pals word war with me.*
After many hours of writing and moaning, I made it to 40k. MY GOAL WAS CONQUERED. *promptly dies*
FINAL WORD COUNT: 40,075
Yes, that's right. I WROTE 40K IN SIX FREAKIN' DAYS. I honestly don't know how I'm alive at all. (Actually, I do. Candy basically saved me. XD)
Overall, though, despite the amount of words I've written, I'm feeling a bit discouraged. You might be thinking, "Whaaaaat?! But you have 40k! HOW ARE YOU NOT HAPPY WITH THAT?"
I am extremely happy with the fact that I've written so much in so little time. I think it's pushed me past what I ever thought possible. When I agreed to do the 5k1day event my friend Abi was hosting, I thought it would be impossible. No way could I ever write 5,000 words in one day. BUT I DID. And not only that, I went and doubled that amount. I thought I would be too tired to think coherently the rest of the week, but I somehow wrote 30k more. This whole experience has made me a faster writer and proven that I can actually write a novel.
And yet...I feel like my story is just...horrible.
As much as I tried to outline before NaNo, I ended up walking into November with barely any idea where my story was headed. It started out fine. My characters were fun, and I loved being back in the same familiar settings. Sure, the plot and pacing were kind of off, but those would iron themselves out later, right?
It got worse and worse as the week went on. Finally, on Friday night, the doubts solidified in my mind: my story was awful.
As much as I tried to convince myself that I could fix my book during the editing process, I couldn't shake the fact that my book just wasn't coming along. No one would want to read it. It was so monotonous and boring, and the pacing was all over the place.
I ignored this most of the weekend and did a bunch of sprints so I could reach 40k. Once I reached that milestone, however, I remembered how much I really didn't like the way my book was turning out. Were all 40,000 words I wrote...junk? Had I just wasted all that time?
I still don't know what I'm trying to say here. I guess I'm just really frustrated with myself right now. I'm not in love with my book, and I know I should be.
So with that being said, I've decided to attempt to outline as much of the rest of the book as I can. I'm not sure if that's going to help at all, but I feel like I really need to boost my confidence about my story. Maybe by having a more concrete layout for it, I will be able to find my love for my book once again.
Ahem. That ended on a rather grim note. XD My feelings about my book aren't entirely negative, though, don't worry. I still love my characters and occasionally feel my passion for my book return. I think I just need to take a day or two to rest, refocus, and try to plan out the rest of it.